Perseverance.....

Perseverance in the dictionary means "Continue doing something in spite of difficulty or lack of success. Well so should we rename life. Cause honestly I am thinking we are all fighting a loosing battle. I can't believe that about four years ago, I was considered to be a positive person, that I had my head on straight, had a great job, had a income, and everything looked so good, and how in a split second everything changed, to where I am always second guessing myself, how I blame myself for everything that is going wrong, that I have now become scared to change even a small minor thing in my life, for fear of it all tumbling down. Kinda like playing a game of "Jenga" the game where you take one block out and add it to the top, trying not to tumble it over. Well that is my life, slowly one block at a time is taken from me and added to the top and I am just waiting for me to fall over. Kinda a sad analogy, but the closest I could get.

I am not saying that all my days are bad, heck today I had a great day, woke up to my best friend, my everything texting me. Then had me laugh before I dragged my lazy butt out of bed. Went to see my girlfriend, and did some running around. Came home and cooked lunch, cleaned the house abit, and talked to my KDI for a bit, finished the laundry. Then all of sudden, its like someone opened a door, and I couldn't breath, Dang it another panic attack. This one wasn't so bad, but can I not have a good day, without something happening to make it go hay wire before I go to bed.

It was like all of a sudden everything was bad, EVERYTHING, that nothing was worth this much pain, like I needed to give up, but couldn't. Of course being one in the morning, no one is awake so I couldn't call any one, but lucky for me, a friend of mine called me back. How she knew I'd be up is beyond me, but she did good. She listened to me, and helped me relax, reminding me that life is scary and that no one has any for sures in their life, that good does come, only the bad is remembered. So she helped me relax and breath again, sounds dumb, but for any of you who have had a panic or anxiety attack, that is a big deal.

I feel that if I write this out, and how I am feeling, some how it will touch someone else, and maybe help them realize that they are OK, and that everything will be ok. That life isn't suppose to be a challenge to find out a purpose, but rather that your purpose is just to learn things, to equip yourself with knowledge, and experiences. You don't need to be rich, or do something spectacular, that you alone being on this planet is a good thing. No matter for how little, or long. So keep up your PERSEVERANCE.