Feeling a little lonely today..
I am going to ramble, so its going to be all over the place.
Today, started off as a regular day, took my son to the hospital for his chemo, and then sent some letters off in the mail. Got some gas, picked up a Hot apple cider, and then came home. While I sit here now, contemplating life (something that regularly comes up when I have spare time) I realize that even though I care deeply for KDI, I am still alone. He is always there on the other end of the internet, to make me laugh, smile, or just be grateful to call him my friend. However the other day, someone I know had someone close to them pass away, and it hit home I don't want to go through life alone, especially knowing that life can be taken away from you at any moment. Life is too short.
I don't want to not ever get a chance to hold, or be able to hug the one person who also believes in the same old ways as I do. Who actually understands my need to help others, who no matter what happens, always tries to make me feel loved, and that love can conquer anything. Right now I would love nothing more then to be in the arms of KDI, to have him hold me, and remind me of why we really keep pushing on in this screwed up world. No one seems to care anymore about anything that really matters. All I keep seeing is Scrooges, messed up children, adults on crack (or something similar) Men with their cat calling, and women with their clothes - UM shrinking, so to speak.
People have become Barbies and Kens of the world, plastic pieces so to speak. Is anything normal, or attainable? Of Course not, because of those rich S.O.B's who think they can make the perfect person by revamping your looks. Hell most of us have self esteem issues, you can't blame them on your imperfections but rather on society itself, as to what is considered perfect.
You wish someone a Merry Christmas, they say they aren't buying. People pushing and shoving, and miraculously the middle finger comes up quite a lot. I am guessing its the new trend for hello. Well frankly I am sick of how the children are treating their parents, or how teenagers now adays, will sit on a bus and make the 9 month pregnant woman stand, or the blind elderly man, with a cane stand on the bus. How elderly woman clutch on to their purses while crossing streets. How most people won't go out after dark for fear of something happening to them. How people aren't even safe in their homes anymore. What happened to saying hello to someone as you pass by them? What happened to the gentleness of parking lots, and shopping experiences?
what's the flipping purpose of bringing children into this screwed up world. Something I often ponder when wondering why I keep going. I was looking into adoption, just for curiosity sake (one day I might want to) and realized that almost all the children that are up for adoption, have some sort of alcohol or drug addiction passed on from their mother. What they hell, if you are going to have sex, or you find out you are pregnant FUCKING STOP THE SHIT. You may want to screw up your own life, fine, but don't do it to an innocent unborn child. Who gives you the flipping right to decided that as if life isn't difficult enough straight, but lets add some disease, or addiction to it. If you know you don't want the child, do your best to give the child the life it deserves, and then you can give him/her to someone who would do almost anything to have a child of their own. Since when did this world come so flupping self centered.
The only other person that I feel understands my need to make this world a better place, or some how bring something into the limelight, is KDI. He I think is my true soul mate, and yet, I can't even be within the same country border as him. He tries to help me see that even though these terrible things are going on, that their are a small number of people that do care, and believe in chivalry, and such. He is a true gentleman. So why the hell can't I find a way to be with him. Why the hell can't this be more accessible, and attainable. Why is it that we suffer through crappy, and useless relationships when we can have the dream? Well when I figure that out, and get to finally be with my Rock, then I will let you know. Until then,
I need to know that I am not the only one who isn't about to step on someone to get what we want, Who can actually help someone out without wanting anything in return, and anonymously.
I can only hope and wish that more people are out their like KDI and that you get to find your one true Soul Mate as well.
Today, started off as a regular day, took my son to the hospital for his chemo, and then sent some letters off in the mail. Got some gas, picked up a Hot apple cider, and then came home. While I sit here now, contemplating life (something that regularly comes up when I have spare time) I realize that even though I care deeply for KDI, I am still alone. He is always there on the other end of the internet, to make me laugh, smile, or just be grateful to call him my friend. However the other day, someone I know had someone close to them pass away, and it hit home I don't want to go through life alone, especially knowing that life can be taken away from you at any moment. Life is too short.
I don't want to not ever get a chance to hold, or be able to hug the one person who also believes in the same old ways as I do. Who actually understands my need to help others, who no matter what happens, always tries to make me feel loved, and that love can conquer anything. Right now I would love nothing more then to be in the arms of KDI, to have him hold me, and remind me of why we really keep pushing on in this screwed up world. No one seems to care anymore about anything that really matters. All I keep seeing is Scrooges, messed up children, adults on crack (or something similar) Men with their cat calling, and women with their clothes - UM shrinking, so to speak.
People have become Barbies and Kens of the world, plastic pieces so to speak. Is anything normal, or attainable? Of Course not, because of those rich S.O.B's who think they can make the perfect person by revamping your looks. Hell most of us have self esteem issues, you can't blame them on your imperfections but rather on society itself, as to what is considered perfect.
You wish someone a Merry Christmas, they say they aren't buying. People pushing and shoving, and miraculously the middle finger comes up quite a lot. I am guessing its the new trend for hello. Well frankly I am sick of how the children are treating their parents, or how teenagers now adays, will sit on a bus and make the 9 month pregnant woman stand, or the blind elderly man, with a cane stand on the bus. How elderly woman clutch on to their purses while crossing streets. How most people won't go out after dark for fear of something happening to them. How people aren't even safe in their homes anymore. What happened to saying hello to someone as you pass by them? What happened to the gentleness of parking lots, and shopping experiences?
what's the flipping purpose of bringing children into this screwed up world. Something I often ponder when wondering why I keep going. I was looking into adoption, just for curiosity sake (one day I might want to) and realized that almost all the children that are up for adoption, have some sort of alcohol or drug addiction passed on from their mother. What they hell, if you are going to have sex, or you find out you are pregnant FUCKING STOP THE SHIT. You may want to screw up your own life, fine, but don't do it to an innocent unborn child. Who gives you the flipping right to decided that as if life isn't difficult enough straight, but lets add some disease, or addiction to it. If you know you don't want the child, do your best to give the child the life it deserves, and then you can give him/her to someone who would do almost anything to have a child of their own. Since when did this world come so flupping self centered.
The only other person that I feel understands my need to make this world a better place, or some how bring something into the limelight, is KDI. He I think is my true soul mate, and yet, I can't even be within the same country border as him. He tries to help me see that even though these terrible things are going on, that their are a small number of people that do care, and believe in chivalry, and such. He is a true gentleman. So why the hell can't I find a way to be with him. Why the hell can't this be more accessible, and attainable. Why is it that we suffer through crappy, and useless relationships when we can have the dream? Well when I figure that out, and get to finally be with my Rock, then I will let you know. Until then,
I need to know that I am not the only one who isn't about to step on someone to get what we want, Who can actually help someone out without wanting anything in return, and anonymously.
I can only hope and wish that more people are out their like KDI and that you get to find your one true Soul Mate as well.
posted by Pure and Simple at
4:49 PM
1 Comments:
As far as the whole long distance relationship goes, yeah it really sux when you really need that someone and they just can't be there.
I've had that for 5 years now, and it really does wittle you down a bit. There has been more than one time that I've wanted to quit and move on, but then I remember the good times, and some how find the strength to keep going for both of us.
I'm not going to lie to you, once you finnaly do see and be with each other it is going to be extra hard to live apart. But, those experiences will keep you going in the long run.
If it's your soul mate, don't give up.
As for the other stuff about people just being dumb ass holiday people, it is truely desgusting.
But when the sea of the masses is flooded with rudness and what not, finding virtue is even more precious, because like you, they have weathered the storm, and it gives you hope.
Hell we all need to vent on the world, my latest blog will attest to that, but the test is comming out as good as you went in, and its tough.
You got me anyhow...if that is worth something.
By
Fictional Correspondant, at 9:00 AM
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