Things are looking up!!!

Things have started to look up for us. After three and a half long years. My son is almost done his chemo. We still aren't in the clear, as we have about five years to cross our fingers and PRAY it doesn't come back. I am a worry wart and and well won't stop until OH I DON"T. I get a 100%. We are going to be getting him tested for a bone marrow match and a stem cell match. So apparently this is routine but I STILL WORRY. I don't know whether they are telling me to worry or not.

On another brighter note. I am back together with THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. We are planning our wedding AGAIN, for August 14, 2008. I am so much happier having him in my life, and glad we were able to work everything out. He truly is my soul mate. We had a VERY long chat, ok a few of them, and we are happier then we ever have been. I truly am excited. Looking forward to you all meeting him.

My family of three will soon become complete. The boys are so happy and that in turn makes me happy too.

Would also like to send out a congrats to my Cousin and his wife, on the birth of their baby boy. Way to go, and welcome to the family Little L. The best to you all.

Now hurry Squirrel, we are waiting for the little bundle to join us as well.

WOW DO THINGS CHANGE FAST

Well I don't even know where to start. Three days ago, I was engaged, and planning a wedding. NOW, I am single and helping others plan theirs. I have no idea what happened, or anything, it was a simple "its not you, its me" BULLSHIT. Sorry, I must not swear. I must not swear, I must not swear. Not even sure of where to start, or where I am going. I just keep trying to get up, shower, get dressed, and move on. I know that things will hopefully work out and that everything happens for a reason, but right now I am just moving with the punches.

Almost there.....

The next year will be one of many prayers, hoping and praying that all will be alright. We are coming to an end of the chemo treatment, and well while some think that this would be a happy time, I find that I am getting more and more stressed. I know that come October of this year, we will be relying on fate and crossing our fingers that my sons body will multiply the good cancer free cells. So it will be a trying time. I started to relax a little and started working again, well not really. I help clean the Senior's manor. It gives me a sense of worthyness. I feel like I am accomplishing something, and I love helping others. Lets me forget about my own problems even if just for a little.

Over the last few weeks, I have learned a few more strategies to help me get through all the speed bumps that I have to go over. My youngest, I found out is losing his hearing, and so that is what is putting a wedge on his speech. He talks, just very hard to understand. I try to be patient, and he tries to talk, but he gets very frustrated, when we don't understand. Understandable. But well we are all here for a purpose, and we will deal with whatever comes our way.

I am still engaged, and well everyone has their ups and downs, and I MISS HIM alot. But we do what we need to for our families. So if there is a will there is a way. I also started to go to the gym. I find that when I am working out, again, I don't think so much about myself, I more or less, find out I can count to 30 over and over and over again. lol. Maybe I will try 50 this week ;)

Well sorry its been so long, no excuses, tired of finding them. lol I hope to write back with some more exciting news. For all the family . . . . . Keep your chins up, and hey write me sometime.

La da da da dee da

Well so far I guess I haven't managed to do what I said. I said I was going to try and keep this thing updated, but well I could always give excuses, but I am finding that my whole life that is all I do. I get up every morning and swear that I will start to exercise and then find myself crying and sitting on the couch just getting bigger and bigger. Well the last few days I have been trying to think about my life and all that is going on, and well I am not happy. I want to be better, and yet something always happens to put a stop to it. My kids are trying to get better, but hard to do, when the seem to catch anything and everything going around town. So currently, they have been out of school for three weeks, and well going to be at least two more. So I am going slowly crazy, not that I don't love my kids, just never know what I can plan or do, can't seem to make any money or get ahead at all, always seems like I am slipping backwards. Government cut backs, etc. Well I am going insane.

Anyways, not to put another excuse down, but will try and write a little more later.

I do have some good news to report. The love of my life, has come down to visit me for a few. I love him so much and hope that we will manage to get through all that we are dealing with at the current moment. Now if I could work on my abandonment issues. UGGHHHH

Welcome to my Life

I am back, a blast from the past I guess. Sorry life always seems to be handing me lemons, and I AM GETTING SICK OF MAKING LEMONADE.

Not to much positive to say right now, and well the paid professionals are saying to not say anything negative, so I vouch for saying nothing AT ALL.

THe life of my life has gone back to the east coast, and so now I write with a heavy heart. I miss him. Its actually kinda weird. I guess when you get so use to someone its hard to be without them. Most people get the pleasure of seeing each other day to day, and then when they don't they tend to get upset. Well when you don't get to see each other all the time, in one way its like getting to experience all those first few weeks every time you see each other. In another, its VERY DIFFICULT to be without them.

Not to mention when you add on the time difference, or the fact my kids are saying "Now we have a daddy that loves us". But when I have a hard time getting up in the morning, no matter now much my kids have misbehaved its always forgiven, when I hear the tiny little whispers saying "Mommy misses getting hugs from KDI, so lets each give her one, then she has two"

Then today, my youngest surprised me two fold. See he loves spending his allowance on the toys in the Dollar store, well today, he found a loonie, and instead of asking to go to the dollar store, he walked over the Salvation Army guy and dropped it in his bucket, and said. "I don't need a toy that bad, they need food more" You think Five year olds don't understand. They listen and do understand more then we give them credit for. At least I know all the stuff I am teaching them is actually sinking in.

SUre we are not the richest person, nor are we even comfortable, BUT no matter how hard things are for us, there is ALWAYS someone worse off. So take what you do have and enjoy every minute of it, cause you never know when the carpet will be pulled out from under you.

Well time to get the boys to bed. We have another day of the hospital for more Chemo tomorrow. I love you all, and please give all those loved ones of yours an extra hug, just for being them. It is free to give, yet means AWHOLE LOT.

Oh and I will try to blog more often. SInce I am so hard to get a hold of.

People can be so demeaning!!!

I have to say that by far I am not a very mean person at all, but unfortunately I am able to find almost all the rude people in my everyday excursions. YES they do exist. There are many, and they are multiplying. From the exterior they seem like one of us, but THEY ARE NOT. They are mean, self righteous, hideous people.

I am not just talking people you see as you walk down the street, we are also talking people who work as cashiers in stores, and then of course we are also not including the teenagers, who think they own the world, in which they have troubles pulling up their pants let alone actually going to be making the world what it is.

Are you shaking your head. WELL its the facts. As I go through life, trying to teach my boys to be like they need to, respecting their elders, and trying to make the best of thier lives, improving others, even if its just by words. But I tell you.

When I was growing up, I was always told the old saying " Sticks and Stones make break your bones, but names will never hurt you. Well that is all fine and dandy, obviously that was before the 20th century. They things peop;le say to each other can hurt and do more damage I am sure. I would rather be hit with sticks and stones, bruises heal faster.

Anyways, I won't get into my experience with a teller at a Petro Canada, or what not, but OMG, If only we were allowed to Zap them with a taser, or something that would turn them into what ever they were just yapping about.

The best to everyone, and update sopon.

WOW - I'm Alive

Sorry this hasn't been update recently. So much has been going on. Things on the home front are all ok. Runing on empty so to speak. Seems like everyone might now what I am talking about when I say we are all sucking fumes. Took the boys camping two weeks ago. They had fun, I on the other hand, well it was ok. I am not use to having so much time on my hands. Felt a little out of sorts so to speak. Still not quite the old self yet. Have some good days and then of course there are the bad days. Had my cousin help me through my last one. Thank you very much. That was a very big help. I miss my soul mate, and wish That somehow things would be ok. I know everyone tries to tell me to think positive, or that things will be ok, but I am getting kinda tired of waiting. Did I forget to mention I AM NOT A PATIENT person. Ah, must of left that part out. Trying to get the house organized for my month long stretch of visitors. Its a little hectic trying to get everything done. Not much time for anything else.

Well keeping this short, just thought I would say hello, and CIAO soon.